By Dr. Paul L. Gerhardt
Have you ever wondered why some people are just more
successful than others? Some may think
that success comes from being smarter than others or more hard working. Well,
from my experience as an educator and professional leadership consultant, I
have discovered that success is partially from hard work AND intelligence, but
more specifically, from emotional intelligence.
You may have heard the term “emotional intelligence” before,
but not given it much thought. If you have not taken time to consider it, do it
now. Here is why: Generally speaking, research has shown that those who have
higher levels of emotional intelligence have a better chance at accomplishing
their goals than those who just have high levels of IQ. In fact, research has
found that IQ may only be about 5 to 10% of what determines a person’s
success.
The good news is that success in life is about 80 to 90%
related to having high levels of emotional intelligence--and emotional
intelligence CAN be increased. IQ on the other hand is generally stagnant
throughout life.
What exactly is emotional intelligence you ask? Great
question! Emotional intelligence can be measured by looking at five specific dimensions.
(1) Self-Awareness. This is your ability to recognize your own emotions and how
they affect your behaviors. (2) Self-Management is all about how well you
manage your emotions and behaviors. (3) Social Awareness has to do with how
well you relate to the emotional cues of other people. (4) Self-Motivation is what
you decide to do or not do. (5) Relationship Management is how you manage your
interactions and influence the interactions of others.
If you think about it, success is all about choices. Good
and bad things happen to all people from all backgrounds and ages. It is not
what happens to us that matters, but what we decide to do with what happens to
us that matters most. Yes, choosing the best option--that in the longer-run
will be a win for both the others involved and yourself too takes wisdom and
strength. Dr. Stephen Covey calls this “Thinking Win-Win”. This is not just a
win for the other person or persons, and not just a win for you—all people need
to FEEL good about what choices were made.
The late-great Maya Angelou said it best, “We rarely
remember what people say to us, but we always will remember how people make us
feel.”
With this wisdom in mind, we need to remember that we always
have a choice on how we feel about things and what we decide to do. We can
never undo something once it has been done, no matter how much we sincerely
apologize for a wrongdoing. People will always remember what was done and have
that in the back of their mind with every interaction with you. So, it is
better to think first before you act.
HERE IS A SUCCESS SIMPLE TRICK: It is important to be aware
of your “triggers” or things that anger you. Be absolutely mindful of your
emotions. Label them and recognize them when you feel them. Know that when you
are angry, it is best to cool down rather than damage a relationship by doing
or saying things that you may regret later. When you are cooled down, then
approach the situation again with a level-head and a mature attitude of genuine
respect and inquiry. Finally, listen to understand the meaning and intent of
others before acting. Mutual understanding without judgement is the glue to
trusting relationships.
In other words, think of a street light. When something happens
(red light), stop what you are doing before acting. Take a few seconds to THINK
about what just happened (yellow light). Take action with win-win thinking in
mind (green light).
We need others with their energy, talent and creativity to
make things happen best. Success is the result of multiple people working well
with each other and using what others can bring to make things better for all
involved. It takes high-levels of emotional intelligence to make that happen
best.
So, build your emotional intelligence each day. You may find
that it is the best investment of your time and resources you have ever made.
Only you get to create your own successes. Likewise, it your choices that cause
your failures too.
Now you know that the key to success is really about how
emotionally intelligent you are. Remember to take time to build your emotional
intelligence. Read about it, practice it, and teach others about it. There
truly is enough success in this world for each of us. It is all about choices.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr. Paul Gerhardt has been teaching people
of all walks of life to be more effective in their personal and professional
life since 2000. He has authored several books, videos and recordings available
on Amazon. He loves doing customized leadership and diversity workshops across
the United States. More information can be found at www.paulgerhardt.com
