Secrets of Success

By Dr. Paul L. Gerhardt

Have you ever wondered why some people are just more successful than others?  Some may think that success comes from being smarter than others or more hard working. Well, from my experience as an educator and professional leadership consultant, I have discovered that success is partially from hard work AND intelligence, but more specifically, from emotional intelligence.

You may have heard the term “emotional intelligence” before, but not given it much thought. If you have not taken time to consider it, do it now. Here is why: Generally speaking, research has shown that those who have higher levels of emotional intelligence have a better chance at accomplishing their goals than those who just have high levels of IQ. In fact, research has found that IQ may only be about 5 to 10% of what determines a person’s success. 

The good news is that success in life is about 80 to 90% related to having high levels of emotional intelligence--and emotional intelligence CAN be increased. IQ on the other hand is generally stagnant throughout life.

What exactly is emotional intelligence you ask? Great question! Emotional intelligence can be measured by looking at five specific dimensions. (1) Self-Awareness. This is your ability to recognize your own emotions and how they affect your behaviors. (2) Self-Management is all about how well you manage your emotions and behaviors. (3) Social Awareness has to do with how well you relate to the emotional cues of other people. (4) Self-Motivation is what you decide to do or not do. (5) Relationship Management is how you manage your interactions and influence the interactions of others.

If you think about it, success is all about choices. Good and bad things happen to all people from all backgrounds and ages. It is not what happens to us that matters, but what we decide to do with what happens to us that matters most. Yes, choosing the best option--that in the longer-run will be a win for both the others involved and yourself too takes wisdom and strength. Dr. Stephen Covey calls this “Thinking Win-Win”. This is not just a win for the other person or persons, and not just a win for you—all people need to FEEL good about what choices were made.

The late-great Maya Angelou said it best, “We rarely remember what people say to us, but we always will remember how people make us feel.”

With this wisdom in mind, we need to remember that we always have a choice on how we feel about things and what we decide to do. We can never undo something once it has been done, no matter how much we sincerely apologize for a wrongdoing. People will always remember what was done and have that in the back of their mind with every interaction with you. So, it is better to think first before you act.

HERE IS A SUCCESS SIMPLE TRICK: It is important to be aware of your “triggers” or things that anger you. Be absolutely mindful of your emotions. Label them and recognize them when you feel them. Know that when you are angry, it is best to cool down rather than damage a relationship by doing or saying things that you may regret later. When you are cooled down, then approach the situation again with a level-head and a mature attitude of genuine respect and inquiry. Finally, listen to understand the meaning and intent of others before acting. Mutual understanding without judgement is the glue to trusting relationships.

In other words, think of a street light. When something happens (red light), stop what you are doing before acting. Take a few seconds to THINK about what just happened (yellow light). Take action with win-win thinking in mind (green light).

We need others with their energy, talent and creativity to make things happen best. Success is the result of multiple people working well with each other and using what others can bring to make things better for all involved. It takes high-levels of emotional intelligence to make that happen best. 

So, build your emotional intelligence each day. You may find that it is the best investment of your time and resources you have ever made. Only you get to create your own successes. Likewise, it your choices that cause your failures too.

Now you know that the key to success is really about how emotionally intelligent you are.  Remember to take time to build your emotional intelligence. Read about it, practice it, and teach others about it. There truly is enough success in this world for each of us. It is all about choices.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Dr. Paul Gerhardt has been teaching people of all walks of life to be more effective in their personal and professional life since 2000. He has authored several books, videos and recordings available on Amazon. He loves doing customized leadership and diversity workshops across the United States. More information can be found at www.paulgerhardt.com